Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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