I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
