stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
