I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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