Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
