Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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