Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
