I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
