I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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