me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
