There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
