I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
