defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
