looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
