Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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