Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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