yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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