I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
