im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
