But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
