Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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