wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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