where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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