I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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