Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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