phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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