I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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