He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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