he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
