talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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