...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
