there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
