Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
