i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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