you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
