My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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