but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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