I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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