I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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