That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
