Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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