you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
