How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
