Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
