Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
