I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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