The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
