He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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