im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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