At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
