i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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