I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
