why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
