I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
