I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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