some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
