I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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