So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
