a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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