i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
