Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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