i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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