He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
