im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
