North Korea, Best Korea!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
