Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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