what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
