It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Randomize
