You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
